You ever take a piss that feels like it could strip the paint off a car?
Ugly Guy's doin' Ugly Things
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Joined on 5/16/10
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MalFromed
Really? After all this time, not one person has answered your question? A shame, to be sure. I guess it's up to your's truly to do it. After all, who better to answer such questions than a wandering rambler?
I wish I were the Piss Peels Paint Guy™, but I'm just not. I haven't been for a very, very long time. However, I will tell you the tale of how I became the Spicy Piss Guy™. It's not a complicated story, but I will share all the same...
So it all started last summer; I had grown tired of the same old routine and wanted to better myself in near pointless ways, so I thought to myself, "Why don't I just start eating spicy shit?" And thus, my journey began. Now I gotta tell you Coughman (Can I call ya Coughman? How about Mr. Cough? You know what? No. That's a horrible idea given the current state of the world, and I don't want to call you Mr. Man. A bit too pretentious, ya know?), you can fuck this up for yourself real fuckin fast by simply forgetting to wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom. Oh, man... You never forget the first time it happens to ya. One second you're on top of the world. The next, it's YOUR paint being peeled! You start off by feeling an oddly cooling sensation, just enough to grab your attention, and then BAM! You can feel it crawling all along the surface. Then the cooling sensation returns, offering false salvation, for soon after, the pain returns in just as much if not more intensity. It can last hours, if not the whole day. But that's not even the worst part. You see, even if you do everything right and remember to wash your hands before taking the piss, you are still doomed. Still destined to be burned...
The second you start, you can feel something wrong. I have no scientific explanation, only the memory of the sensation. All I can guess is that the spice that's been brewing within your piss has had time to condense, concentrate, magnify within you, so when it comes out, the orifice swells and contracts, causing only a slow trickling burn to come out. It is excruciating. But, if you can stick with it and get used to it, you can hold your head high and boldly proclaim just how spicy you like your shit! Impressing almost no one! But you don't do it for them! You do it for YOU™! You enter that bathroom a Fool™! You leave a Scholar of Spice™!
I'm currently at 2 million Scoville units. When I am ready, I will push further beyond that. So you can keep your paint chips! I will keep and cherish the bliss that can only come about from pointless self-induced suffering. After all, it is the most pointless of things that are of the most value to the Soul™.